Long commutes are not relaxing for me. I’m way too pretty to fall asleep in public.

'Hi, I'm Wes, I'm the Converse rep. Do you have any Lil Wayne?' 'Hi, I'm Sofia, I'm the DJ. Go fuck yourself'

RT @muddyspoon: #fingerbanging @lurkey in hope that one day she will write my bio

RT @BorowitzReport: I won’t let my 2-yr-old watch tonight’s debate because last time she asked, “Daddy, why are they such fucking morons?”

Photo: This is on my street. I want to play. http://t.co/LjpxTLii

This is on my street. I want to play.

This is on my street. I want to play.

RT @Office_Memo: REMINDER: Quitters never win. Also, they rarely get their obnoxious fucking brains blown out.

My cat refuses to drink still water. So we do this instead. I am apparently very patient.

My plan for the night involves leaving my drink unattended in case anyone wants to slip some free drugs in there.

You know when you have a conversation with someone and as soon as they’re gone, you have to put a piece of gum in your mouth? Yeah, that.

"@IVKelly: I gave @lurkey +K about Writing on @klout http://t.co/NrlMcMUK" <- THANKS! Much appreciated.

This streetcar = conveyor belt to hell.

This shopping trip has consisted mainly of me concentrating on not looking absolutely outraged every time I look at a price tag.

I received +K in writing from @YellowOrigami, thanks! http://t.co/WCREDgqN

This.

This.